Planning the perfect wedding can be stressful. Same-sex couples have the added challenge of ensuring that the wedding vendors they use are comfortable and, in some cases, willing to perform services. The bottom line is to plan early and be open during the planning process if you want your wedding day to flow smoothly.
Finding vendors who will provide the services you want while respecting and honoring your commitment is vital. Wedding vendors in most many states cannot legally refuse to perform their services based on the client’s’ sexual orientation. However, there have been any number of examples where the issue ended up in court. In one, a bakery in Oregon paid out more than $135,000 in damages for refusing to bake a cake for a lesbian couple. On the other hand, a bakery in Texas faced no repurcussions after refusing to make a cake for a gay wedding.
Even if you live in a state where your rights are protected, the possibility of having uncomfortable dealings with a business on your wedding day is probably not worth it. If they agree to work with you just because they would get into legal trouble if they refused, that alone should be enough for you to remove consideration of a business relationship. Be very careful with a decision to engage with that service provider. How delicious do you think the legally obligated catering is going to be? If a service provider doesn’t seem excited by the prospect of providing you a service, seek a wedding vendor that is. There are plenty of us out there, The product will be better, and you will be happier in the end.
When you contact a service provider, take the opportunity to clear things up about the nature of your relationship at the outset. Having everyone on the same page early is the best way to avoid wasting your time with someone that has some kind of reservation or hesitation with non-traditional weddings. Ask them about their experience with LGBT weddings and ensure they understand they are being asked to perform their services at yours.
Two young brides who recently were married observed that this created an extra step that heterosexual couples wouldn’t experience, but that it made them feel much more comfortable knowing that their vendors were supportive.
The best place to start is with a wedding planner. If you know of an LGBT or LGBT-friendly wedding planner, then you are likely off the hook for a lot of this work. They will undoubtedly have a team of LGBT-friendly service providers they work well with and can recommend. This is the easiest way to knock out the bulk of the vendor selection fast so you can focus on the other details.
If you can’t find an LGBT-friendly planner or if you prefer to do the vendor searching yourself, it may be helpful to start with a gay-friendly wedding vendor directory like those listed below. They all allow you to narrow down your search to a specific geographic region, and then select by category vendors that are advertising directly to the LGBT community.
https://www.engaygedweddings.com
https://www.pridezillas.com
https://gayweddings.com/vendors/
If you expand your search outside of a same-sex wedding directory and found a vendor that you just love but you don’t see anything that indicates they are LGBT-friendly, just ask. They will almost certainly say yes, and you can begin the process of planning that part of your wedding.
Another great place to start is asking newlywed same-sex couples for recommendations of their service providers. If you know a couple that was recently married in the same town you are getting married, they likely have done a lot of the research for you. Ask them to share their list of providers and any feedback they had about their experience.
Finally, there is nothing that says you have to have this conversation with a service provider. Gay marriage is no longer a new thing in most places, so you may be surprised how easy it is to find wedding vendors of every kind ready and eager to be a part of your special day.
A special note for wedding professionals: same-sex weddings are, in many ways, no different than opposite-gender weddings. However, it’s important to understand the nuances and the special considerations that may be involved. Michael Thomas is a certified LGBT Wedding Planner who offers trainings to others in the industry, from 30 minutes to full-day courses. (Link certified LGBT Wedding Planner to https://www.johnmichaelevents.com/lgbt-weddings/)
